Knowing who your Friends are...
I have been giving some thought to Friendships lately and what makes someone your friend. Because in this town, I know a lot of people, well really I know a lot of people’s names. But what separates people you know (acquaintances, if you will) from people you consider friends. Are friends people you can call on when you need a favor, and know that they’ll help you out. Unless it is against the law and then they have to be a really good friend.
When does somebody you have said “hi” to at work become a friend? Do you have to see them outside of work for them to become friends? Can you have friends at work that you never see outside of the building, or are those just people you know. Maybe they are people your friendly towards but these are not people you are friends with. Where do you draw that line, when does a person cross over from acquaintance to become a friend.
What about the people you run into every day, like at the coffee shop you go to in the morning. After a couple of times you probably know their names. A couple of more times and you might know their kids or best friends names, Every day for a year and you can probably talk to them about things they are doing, ask how their kid or best friend is, and what they did the past weekend. The same sort of questions you might ask a friend if you ran into them after having not seen them for a week or a month. But does this make the person you buy Coffee from every morning your friend. Are friends just some body you can talk to? Are friends people you can confide in and trust to not use that information against you?
Are there distinct moments, distinct actions that happen after which, when you can call somebody your friend. Like if somebody tells you their home phone number is that a moment when you cross over into friendship. But then some of the people I know don’t have land lines only cel phones and so if I have that number are we friends?
Are friends people who you can call when you want to go out socialize? Or when you want to stay home and talk?
What about if they give you their personal e-mail address, specifically, not their work address is that person a friend. What if all they have is a work address, what then?
Do you have to go out and do something with them to consider somebody your friend? What about if you go out and realize you don’t have any money with you. Here comes the tab and you have no way to pay it. Are friends somebody you can borrow money from?
When I was a little kid if you had dinner at some ones house you had to be friends cause you didn’t just go eat at anybodies house for dinner. Or if spent the night at some ones house you were friends, again same reason. But there were other kids that you only saw at school or on the ball field that you still called your friend. Were they any less of a friend cause you had never eaten dinner with them, or spent the night at their house. It seemed like as a little kid you could have a different friend every month, “oh he was my friend, but now he’s not my friend anymore.”
As an adult you seem to make friendships that last much longer and you put more value into those friendships so it almost seems harder to make friends. You have to put serious effort into an adult friendship; you make an investment of both time and energy in the beginning of that friendship to make it work. Then there is a constant ongoing need to invest at least a little time and energy over the course of the long haul to maintain that friendship. Sure you might go a month or even a year between the last time you saw that person but if you were really friends you can pick up again maybe not right where you left off, but it won’t be long again before your right back where you were.
When did you become friends? Do you remember the moment when you became friends?
Was there a moment when you started calling that person your friend? Was it during the introduction of “your friend” to somebody else? Was it when describing that person to another person? Does that same person you consider a friend consider you a friend? How do you know? Do you care? Does it matter?
When does somebody you have said “hi” to at work become a friend? Do you have to see them outside of work for them to become friends? Can you have friends at work that you never see outside of the building, or are those just people you know. Maybe they are people your friendly towards but these are not people you are friends with. Where do you draw that line, when does a person cross over from acquaintance to become a friend.
What about the people you run into every day, like at the coffee shop you go to in the morning. After a couple of times you probably know their names. A couple of more times and you might know their kids or best friends names, Every day for a year and you can probably talk to them about things they are doing, ask how their kid or best friend is, and what they did the past weekend. The same sort of questions you might ask a friend if you ran into them after having not seen them for a week or a month. But does this make the person you buy Coffee from every morning your friend. Are friends just some body you can talk to? Are friends people you can confide in and trust to not use that information against you?
Are there distinct moments, distinct actions that happen after which, when you can call somebody your friend. Like if somebody tells you their home phone number is that a moment when you cross over into friendship. But then some of the people I know don’t have land lines only cel phones and so if I have that number are we friends?
Are friends people who you can call when you want to go out socialize? Or when you want to stay home and talk?
What about if they give you their personal e-mail address, specifically, not their work address is that person a friend. What if all they have is a work address, what then?
Do you have to go out and do something with them to consider somebody your friend? What about if you go out and realize you don’t have any money with you. Here comes the tab and you have no way to pay it. Are friends somebody you can borrow money from?
When I was a little kid if you had dinner at some ones house you had to be friends cause you didn’t just go eat at anybodies house for dinner. Or if spent the night at some ones house you were friends, again same reason. But there were other kids that you only saw at school or on the ball field that you still called your friend. Were they any less of a friend cause you had never eaten dinner with them, or spent the night at their house. It seemed like as a little kid you could have a different friend every month, “oh he was my friend, but now he’s not my friend anymore.”
As an adult you seem to make friendships that last much longer and you put more value into those friendships so it almost seems harder to make friends. You have to put serious effort into an adult friendship; you make an investment of both time and energy in the beginning of that friendship to make it work. Then there is a constant ongoing need to invest at least a little time and energy over the course of the long haul to maintain that friendship. Sure you might go a month or even a year between the last time you saw that person but if you were really friends you can pick up again maybe not right where you left off, but it won’t be long again before your right back where you were.
When did you become friends? Do you remember the moment when you became friends?
Was there a moment when you started calling that person your friend? Was it during the introduction of “your friend” to somebody else? Was it when describing that person to another person? Does that same person you consider a friend consider you a friend? How do you know? Do you care? Does it matter?
posted by The Information Officer at 7:15 AM
4 Comments:
I don't think I've ever been able to identify a moment when someone becomes a friend, or what makes someone a friend. I may have known that person a long time or very little time at all... and the acquaintance merges into friendship without any fanfare. One day I just realize that the person *is* my friend, has been for some time. It's indefinable.
the finished product was a good read ed
Sometimes I think it's when I realize I can spend time with this person and not feel uncomfortable. Here's an example. Once, I took a plane trip with an "acquaintance" of mine, and wondered if we'd have things to talk about during the few hours of that trip. We did, and we've been great friends ever since. I remember that as a wonderful suprise.
Other times, it's when I'm fighting a stupid ooze two levels above me and I get two adds, and some random guy comes by and helps me kill them. Then he's my friend. Oops, wrong blog.
It does matter.
A friend is someone you can call after 2 or 3 years of being MIA, and they say hey how are you, of course come on over, let me help you get your life back on track. (maybe not use those exact words, but pretty darn close)and you my friend are a great friend.
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